Get tested.

My new standards: no sex before monogamy, no sex with people who haven't been tested recently.

Getting tested was really easy. They were up there anyway for a pap- one extra swab tests for gonorrhea and chlamydia. The HIV antibody test was a quick blood test (why they didn't use the oral test, I don't know.) I plan to frame my results of cleanliness above my bed and demand a passport for passage before entry from others. Not having insurance isn't a good enough excuse. Go to Planned Parenthood and if I want to sleep with you bad enough I'll just pay the $30 sliding scale (whatever it is these days.)

Sexting brainstorm "I'm blank for blank"

I thought of these in my sleep deprived stupor of flipping back to days for a week:

Oinkin' for a boinkin'

Prayin' for a layin'

Hurtin' for a squirtin'

Beggin' for a peggin'

Hankerin' for a spankerin'

Jonesin' for a bonezin (the one that started it all)

The last two don't really work. And none of them work on guys unless the guy's wasted, in that case he would have sex with you anyway.

How sex made me crazy.

I have to go to bed now but I just wanted to write that title down for later.

Sunshine does not make day-sleeping any easier.

The naming of parts

I was talking to one of my man friends about the names of our junks. I called his a "wang" as I think all other names for penis are either derogatory or medical "cock", "dick", "PENIS"... anyway I said that I guess I call mine "chatchi" but after looking at urbandictionary.com I can't use it anymore! It means cocaine or italian guy. "The Situation." I don't think so. This guy I work with called his wang "Mr. Happy." Really? You're going to tell me about how "Mr Happy" has a yeast infection? Shit. If you're talkin' gross medical things about your dick call it your dick. Or a penis.

Anyway, I don't like the word vagina and I'm only going to use the word if I have to visit the doctor. One of my man friends named mine Lady Gaga, and my ass is Her Golden Carriage. Isn't it cute?!! If my vagina were Lady Gaga she'd wear that sparkly silver iceberg outfit from the Grammys! I just named his junk after rappers. I think everyone should name each other's junk. It makes hooking up a little more personal. Then you can write dirty texts and probably get away with it if someone else reads them.

Also, this blog is hilarious: http://onedatatime.typepad.com/. She's a writer for Jezebel and stars in Pot Psychology.

The appeal of Beyonce

One of my friends doesn't not like Beyonce. I thought she had universal appeal. I thought she was the glue that keeps men and women together. Women admire her but know they can't be her. Men want to... do things to her. She has a.) family values, b.) Jay- Z, c.) dance moves, d.) jelly, e.) awesome boobs, and f.) girl power







Wow I can't format this thing... I didn't have geocities as a child. Anyway, I'm sure we've all tried to drunkenly do the single ladies dance with our favorite lady pals and we were LOVIN OURSELVES and knew we are beautiful women!

sunday morning brunch n munch

M said that this would be a great name for a blog. And it is so. Sunday morning brunch n munch describes the compromise between my world of working night shifts and weekends and the world of the living, breathing day-shifters. Yeah, what's it like to be able to go to a store that's only open 10am- 6pm. I wouldn't know. :P

So the SMBNM is an ideal situation where my weekend begins, and your weekend is ending, we eat brunch out, then we eat brunch in (if you know what I mean). I love Sunday brunches and Sunday early dinner's at roommate's parent's house.

Now's the time I have to go to sleep- but I just want to let you know, internet, that I'll be writing again. I need to be doing something useful in the middle of the night.